Chapter 4
Sometime B.C. and just after, Early Centuries A.D.
Now as can be seen from our last three Chapters, this was the way of the Irish: brother killed brother and cousin killed cousin and women killed anybody who didn’t please them… and all were very fond of the drink.
There are clues to some of the characteristics of the more modern Irish, although the killing habit seems to be decreasing, and for this pleasant change perhaps we can be grateful to books, television, organized sport and the internet. But prior to the arrival of these grand entertainments what enjoyment was there to be had from life other than drinking and killing? Or killing and drinking? Powerful bronze swords and spearheads they made (like the Tuatha de Danaan’s with the sword they brought from Gorias, or from Finias the Spear of Victory, or even from Murias the most of wonderful treasures, the Cauldron that no company ever went away from unsatisfied, but that is another story)…and the powerful brews to go with them.
Now, between the Milesian invasion and the coming of Saint Patrick himself, 118 kings ruled in Ireland and very few of them died from natural causes. Sixty of them were descended from Heremon, twenty-nine of Heber, twenty-four from Ir, three from Lugaid, and one king was a Firbolg, and even one was a woman, of all things.
Under the kings were provincial chiefs, who were supposed to be obedient, but who spend most of their time trying to think up ways of separating the king’s bodies from their heads. It was all very exciting and a lot of pleasure was to be had from it before a man lost his head, or even a woman hers.
Aye,but they did find the time to clear the land and to build castles and to make laws. Irishmen have always been very good at making laws, but very few have been good at obeying them.
The trouble with laws is that they are always made to prevent someone from doing something. This makes the prevented resent the presenters, especially if the prevented are Firbolgs, with a history of slavery and prevention under the Greeks and Tuatha de Dananns. The Firbolgs didn’t really care for the Milesian laws as well, and every generation had to be persuaded that the laws were good for them…most of the time at the point of the sword and spear.
So there was enough fighting to keep everyone happy, and men and women killed each other often enough to prevent overpopulation of the land.
Some of the kings left their mark on the country, as well as on the bodies of their friends and enemies.
There was Tiernmas, who introduced the smelting of gold. A real proper heathen was Tiernmas: He and a hundred or so of his people dropped dead one evening while worshipping their golden idol called Crom-Cruach. Many believe it was a sign from the one and only true God, many others believe it was the drink.
But before that happened to him and his, he made a law that people of various classes should be distinguished by the colours in their clothing.: Slaves could wear only one colour, farmers two, soldiers three, innkeepers and proprietors four, territory bosses five, and educated gentlemen six. Only kings were entitled to wear seven.
This colorful system of class distinction eventually produced tartan kilts, and it is believe that the man who produced the first bagpipes, thru his name not be known, was an Irishman who wished to annoy everyone else.
Now the Milesians had great respect for educated gentlemen, probably because they were rather rare at the time. They were called Ollava, and others were not to be killing them.
King Enna Airgeach invented silver shields for nobles and heroes.
King Monemon invented gold rings and neck chains, also for heroes.
King Fiacha Finailches invented wells and also founded Kells.
King Sedna Innarry invented wages for soldiers, and King Enda Dearg invented the coins to pay them with.
All these were notable inventions. But none so notable as the invention of King Ollav Fola.
He invented parliaments. All the chiefs and bards and historians and generals in the whole land were expected at Tara every three years or so. Those that didn’t come were regarded as the king’s enemies and had their heads, along with their lands and all that they owned, removed.
And so great was the feasting and talking and the drinking and the fighting on these grand occasions.
Aye, a great man was Ollav Fola, as he was called. The meaning of his name ‘educated gentleman of Fodhla (or Ireland): His real name was Eochy, pronounced Achy, and being an Ollav he was able to die of old age.
King Cimbaeth invented Emania, the royal palace of Ulster, the mighty lands where God himself sat to rest…or rather, Cimbaeth’s wife did. This is the way of it…
Three cousins there were, the sons of three brothers and their names were Cimbaeth, Hugh Roe and Dihorba, and all claimed the throne.
All would take it in turn, seven years each! And so it was…until Hugh Roe was drowned at Ballyshannon and his green-eyed red-headed daughter claimed the crown in his place. Her name was Macha.
“Ridiculous…who the bloody hell ever heard of a woman king?”
One word led to another, as always the way with the celtic peoples, and Macha swung her father’s sword. Her father’s followers swung their swords and another great battle was fought, and Dihorba was no more.
Now Macha believing the crown to be her’s now had to face Cimbaeth, and that she did. Looking him over on the field of battle, seeing that he was a splendid, fine figure of a man, thought it best to marry this man and he could be king in name. He saw that she was a fine figure of a woman, with a good sword arm on her, thought he could do worse: and it was better than being dead. So they married, and chased the five sons of Dihorba into Connaught where every Irishman ran to when he was chased ( and some still do), and captured them, brought them back and made them build her a grand palace.
She marked out the site of it with the pin of her cloak, and that’s how it came to be named Emania, which is a pin.
Emania became the headquarters of the Red Branch Knights and was the palace of the kings of Ulster for 855 years…until the English came and ruined the place. We’ll never see their like again. Slainthe!
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